Wednesday, January 14, 2015

A Whiter Shade of Male: Meet the GOP's 2016 Presidential Lineup 1.0

From Sean Hannity comes the January 2015/FOX News version of the GOP's 2016 Presidential Offerings, fondly referred to--among lefty wags, at least--as The Clown Car.  It's early still, and the thing is not quite ready for market--call it a Concept Clown Car.

For one thing, Rand Paul, Dr. Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, and Allen West seem to be missing, though you'll often hear their names bandied about the blogosphere and Twitterverse. And where is Marco #DubiousRubio Rubio, Mr. Hannity? Do you have something against Floridians? Harrumph.

Which Republican do you want to be president? Hannity asks brightly.

No, there's not a woman in sight, but Hell's bells, people, look at all these choices! You've got:

  • Overweight White Guy
  • Wealthy White Guy From Political Family
  • Generic White Guy
  • Generic White Guy with White Hair
  • Another Generic White Guy
  • White Guy With Indian Name Who Changed His First Name To Sound More White-Guy-ish
  • White Guy with Glasses and Felony Indictment
  • White Guy With Strong Religious Convictions and Simmering Woman Issues, and…
  • Wealthy White Guy, Also With Religious Convictions, Also From Political Family, Also With Simmering Woman Issues (binders full of 'em, in fact).

Never let it be said that the Republican Party isn't all about the diversity.


  1. Fair enough, but the Dems are hardly better. Hillary is just as much a warmonger as the rest of them, Obama included, and the fact that she has a vagina doesn't exactly inspire confidence.

  2. As far as I know--and as far as I've heard from a few self-appointed "in-the-know" types--there are no Dem candidates yet, not even Hillary. It is even being whispered that HRC may be hanging on to the last moment to decline running at all, so as to keep speaker's fees and book sales as high as possible. I agree though: much too hawkish for my taste (she did vote for the Iraq AUMF after all). Obama is not running.

    The Dem field is wide-open! Let's see how many White Males pour in. *sigh*

  3. You used the #DubiousRubio hashtag. Awesome.