Friday, May 30, 2008

Terrorist Presence With a Checkered Past: It's Scrap Time!

Gone, but not forgotten. OH no.

Symbol-sensitive and right-thinking 'Muricans, led by the intrepid hatemonger conservative blogger Michelle "Stalkin' " Malkin, have been, er, appeased (for the time being, anyway): a boycott-threatening campaign has led to Dunkin' Donuts pulling the now-famous Rachael Ray Jihadi Chic ads.

And never again will donut-scarfers have to cast their gaze on that dreadful terrorist scarf and its obvious, black-and-white implications.

But the fight is long from over. We all know that lefty bloggers like TRex can be counted on to trick us, particularly when they insist on posting adorable photos of their new Siamese kittens. I mean, who can resist oohing and aahing at little Max, right?

Today, cozying up to a keffiyah; tomorrow, who knows?

And what about the many other terrorism symbols Ms. Malkin alternately refers to as Hate Couture and Jihadi Chic? They're everywhere. And if we're logical, we have to boycott them, too, lest we send the wrong message to...someone.

We should probably start with all those Chanel jackets--designed, of course, by Karl Lagerfeld (that lowfat-cheese-eating surrender monkey)--because, well, look:

Notice the gloves? Terrorists wear those
when they want to avoid leaving fingerprints.

Looking through my perfume collection, I came across this, from the House of Dior:

Be gone, ye sweet smells in putrid-patterned vessels!

And then there are Son Three's favorite shoes. Sorry, little guy, those Very Cool Vans of yours have gotta go--people might think you hate 'Murica, and we can't have that:

Jeff Spicoli/Sean Penn take note: wearing this shoe only confirms
rightwingers' worst fears about Hollywood.

As long as we're talking about celebs, what the hell was Gwen Stefani thinking when she designed and then personally modeled the dress shown below? Obviously we must boycott Gwen and e-mail all the radio stations that play her music--as well as the stores that carry her fashions--and let them know how we feel about Hate Couture.

You may have skipped the bindi this time around,
Gwen, but you're not fooling anyone.

And then (clutch your pearls if you've got 'em) there's Kate Hudson, daughter of that eternally blonde, world-religion-appreciating, yoga-practicing librul Goldie Hawn. Unable to stop at draping her own form in head-to-toe Jihadi Chic, Kate went one further and imposed her wrongheaded ideology on her precious (if hippie-like) child:

Suffer the little children to come unto Macy's
and buy them a nice Stars-n-Stripes getup instead.

I know, I know, you're going to be busy for a while--so much outrage, so little time! Still, as a good, right-thinking, hardworking--well, you know--you want to remain ever-vigilant. The threats, they are a lurkin', and our reward, as always, comes from simply knowing we've made a difference.

In closing, I offer this thought from Interfaith Alliance president Rev. Welton Gaddy, who spoke about the Terrorist Chic incident in a recent NPR interview:

"Have we really reached the point where we're associating wearing a scarf of Middle-Eastern origins with terrorist sympathies? If that's the case, I'd like to suggest we stop wearing sweaters with hoods so as not to expose any sympathies for the Unibomber."

Pay attention, Juicy Couture...

Also at TRex and Cogitamus.

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