Saturday, March 28, 2009

Shopping the Middle Ages for Bras and Panties


Consider this Reason Number 3,999,999,999 that Deborah is grateful for the moderately-modern mindset of the society in which we live here in the West. Not that I'd be embarrassed to buy undies from a guy, mind you--I'd probably enjoy watching him squirm at whatever extremely naughty jokes I'd made a point of telling him--but I would feel an ongoing need to loudly protest the fact that our Saudi sisters not only are prohibited from driving a car, but can't even turn to a lady bra-fitter to help them when they're seeking comfort and support for The Girls, because their law apparently says only men can be lady bra-fitters. Or store clerks or car-drivers. Or something.

Oh dear. I am imagining a loudly-protesting Me, standing in a lingerie store in Saudi Arabia, assuredly not wearing the forty yards of black wool draping they like to throw all over our Evil Temptress Female bodies, and if it's hot outside (!), probably sporting bare legs, bare arms, and at least one wayward bra strap.

Wait! Wait! I want my lawyer! I want my gift-with-purchase teddy bear! I promise not to name it Mohammed!

Wednesday, March 25, 2009

Inside All of Us is a Wild Thing



Maurice Sendak's Where the Wild Things Are--aka The Tornello family's Favorite Book Ever--is coming to the Big Screen, courtesy of the wonderful Spike Jonze.

I'm thrilled to bits; after all, there are at least three copies of the book lying around my house, and I know we had all the monster puppets at one point (though Heaven help me try to find them right now). And each of us has one variation of the t-shirt or another, even Mama.

Wild Things Fever really took hold when Son One turned six, and we threw him a huge Where the Wild Things Are birthday party. On the morning of his big day, Son One walked into the back garden to find a real, full-sized and red-painted wooden sailboat that Robert and our friend Jeff built, complete with a bamboo mast and a yellow canvas sail sewed by Yours Truly. We also set up a washing-line-and-flowered-sheet tent (just like the one Max plays in) over one of the lower oak branches, and designed a cake that looked like a limb from the scary forest and covered it with plastic creepy-crawlies. I had painstakingly copied the book title's font when making the invitations. And, of course, stuffed versions of the Wild Things were stationed around the house.

Everyone had a ball and no-one was sent to his room--not even Robert, who, later that evening, somehow managed to completely burn off the handle of my favorite wok while BUI (Barbecuing Under the Influence).

And in a world where it seems that pink maribou-bedecked books and rhinestone-covered fantasy gear dominate the real estate of children's retail and juvenile publishing, I have to say, thank goodness for Maurice Sendak, as well as Roald Dahl--both are children's authors who wrote brilliantly, sensitively, and unflinchingly about the dark (and funny!) sides of human nature.

Where the Wild Things Are will be in theatres just in time for my own birthday, this October. Hooray!

Tuesday, March 24, 2009

Incitement In My Sights: Townhall and Worldnet Daily Offer Fearmongering and Free Guns

Gun print by Andy Warhol

incite -- v.t. (from the Latin incitāre): to urge forward;
to stir, encourage, or urge on; to stimulate or prompt to action.


Fresh from my In box: via Townhall comes this risible wad of rubbish breathless and urgent call to action, titled in all-caps (of course) thus:

MILLIONAIRE PATRIOT WANTS YOU ARMED AND TRAINED.

Here's the main body of the e-mail, emphasis mine and inciting links removed (should you be so inclined, you can access the original Townhall link to this offer here):

Dear Reader,

The next four years may prove to be a turning point for all freedom loving Americans.

With the new administration holding party majorities in the House and Senate, we are facing the worst political environment for the passage of unchecked gun control legislation and further erosion of our constitutional right to bear arms than we have previously seen in our lifetimes.

As the nation creeps from recession to depression, the potential for civil unrest in every major city grows more likely. There has never been a more crucial time in our nation's history to make sure you are armed and trained for the protection of yourself and your family.

One man in our country knows this better than most, and I'm proud to tell you, he is doing something about it.

His name is Dr. Ignatius Piazza.

He is the Founder and Director of Front Sight Firearms Training Institute and is known by his hundreds of thousands of students as 'The Millionaire Patriot' because he has literally given away millions of dollars in free and discounted training to law abiding citizens to assist them is securing what he refers to as "The Comfort of Skill at Arms."

Dr. Piazza, the Millionaire Patriot, wants YOU armed and trained and he is putting his money where his mouth is.

He is providing you with the opportunity to attend five days of world class training at his Front Sight Firearms Training Institute with everything you need to secure permits to carry a concealed handgun in over 30 states—all for pennies-on-the-dollar!

Plus, if you act quickly before all the guns he set aside are gone, he will give you, free of charge, a Springfield Armory XD Pistol in your choice of 9mm, .40SW, or .45ACP!

That's right. This is legitimate. Thousands of people have already taken advantage of it AND YOU SHOULD TOO!

I can personally vouch for Dr. Piazza and his Front Sight Firearms Training Institute.

I believe now more than ever before that EVERY American should be armed and trained to the highest levels possible—levels that exceed law enforcement and military standards. Take advantage of the Millionaire Patriot's offer. Get armed and trained to prepare for what may be coming in the next four years!

NOW is the time to get armed and trained. Don't wait until it is too late.

Click for more details about the Millionaire Patriot's amazing offer.

Sincerely,

Joseph Farah
Editor and Chief Executive Officer
www.WorldNetDaily.co
m

P.S., You have never seen me make such a personal endorsement, so take heed to the fact that I am telling you to take advantage of Dr. Piazza's offer to get five days of world class training at Front Sight, concealed weapon permits good in 30 states, and a FREE Springfield Armory XD Pistol.

Can I get away with pulling a Michelle-Malkin-style single-word comment here? Of course I can. (Because you know I'm usually good for several pages of ranting when it comes to Wingnut Mental Disorders and are thus relieved to only have one word of litbrittery to confront.)

Okay, here it is, then: treasonable.

Monday, March 16, 2009

Greetings From Santa Fe Plus a Must-see South Park


I am a nervous flier, but a confident drinker and valium-swallower.
--Martin Amis

The boys and Boy and I arrived in Santa Fe yesterday (your home state is gorgeous, Stephen!), and I'm taking the morning off to sleep late, read e-mails and blogs, watch a South Park episode with Son One, and generally enjoy the wonderfulness of Not Having To Be Anywhere or Do Anything at Any Time Unless I Feel Like it. This vacation was long overdue--I'd forgotten how much I love being Elsewhere, how much I love mountains, and how funny South Park can be when Matt and Trey are really on their collective game.

Anyway, once I get myself out and about--there is a snowy mountain to be conquered, after all, despite the deceptive blue sky I can see outside the picture window--I'll have some pics and observations to share. (Although I can tell you this right off the bat: Santa Fe appears to be a terrific foodie town, certainly insofar as its Indian cuisine--sampled yesterday--is concerned.)

So, go watch last week's hilarious South Park, The Ring*, in which Eric and company address the hypocrisy of using wholesomeness, purity, and non-badness--you know, Christian Family Values® as demonstrated by the Palins--to sell to little girls what is, at its core, the same old thing everyone else in the entertainment and advertising worlds is trying to sell: sex. I only wish that in the real world, we could similarly retard--or, better yet, completely obstruct--the dread Disneyfication Creep that we in Florida have long been decrying.

I must pay more attention to Son One's teevee recommendations, as it would appear he has inherited his parents' wit, bless his twisty little heart.

Peace, everyone.

*Not even remotely safe for work or small children, as this is the uncensored version (not that the censored versions of South Park are especially safe for small children, but in this case, it might be distressing for kids to hear Mickey Mouse going verbally medieval on the asses of the Jonas Brothers followed by Mickey Mouse bloviating, in Rush-like tones, his true opinion of little girls--and more.)

Friday, March 13, 2009

The Truth-Not-Cherrypicked: Sweet and Quite Delciious



Here it is, to watch in amazement and watch again. (Is it conceivable, do you suppose, that Jim Cramer really believes that it is all just a big game? I mean, look at the guy and consider how...Nah. Never mind.)

Wednesday, March 11, 2009

Jon Stewart For the Win



As a follow-up to the previous post, I'm compelled to share this latest bit of Jon Stewart brilliance.

FYI, I'm hearing rumors that Jim Cramer will appear on the Daily Show this Thursday. Ooo-kay.

(Seriously, bringing in Dora the Explorer and her feces-throwing sidekick monkey was awesome stagecraft. Bravo, Daily Show!)

Jim Cramer & Company: 10b* or Not 10b?

That is the question. Not that matters moral and metaphysical would seem to have great relevance in the lives of the Stone-Cold Evildoers of CNBC®.

Honestly (ha!), after the events, revelations, and embarrassing re-broadcasts of Staggering Wrongness that we've witnessed over the last week or so, I've come to think that we ought to view Jim Cramer's ridicule via the Daily Show as a mere warm-up, an amuse-bouche to whet our collective justice-seeking appetite.

Because look at this. Go on, watch it. And then tell me why these folks--Cramer, in this case--are different from any other mid-level criminal-for-hire. Exactly--they're not. They're just garden-variety perps with manicures and pinpoint Oxford shirts. They're Money Honeys and Street Sweeties who've finally caused enough bottomless cavities that their eroded metiér is now collapsing in on itself.

Via the HuffPo comes this footage of a Jim Cramer interview, aired on TheStreet.com TV in 2006:




The money quotes (so to speak) (emphasis mine):

On manipulating the market: "A lot of times when I was short at my hedge fund, and I was positioned short, meaning I needed it down, I would create a level of activity before hand that could drive the futures."

On falsely creating the impression a stock is down (what he calls "fomenting"): "You can't foment. That's a violation... But you do it anyway because the SEC doesn't understand it." He adds, "When you have six days and your company may be in doubt because you are down, I think it is really important to foment."

On the truth: "What's important when you are in that hedge fund mode is to not be doing anything that is remotely truthful, because the truth is so against your view - it is important to create a new truth to develop a fiction," Cramer advises.

*It's been more than twenty years since I got my Series 7 License, but Rule 10B-5 of the Securities Exchange Act of 1934 is not something you tend to forget, and Wiki is always there to remind you of the precise language:

Rule 10b-5: Employment of Manipulative and Deceptive Practices

It shall be unlawful for any person, directly or indirectly, by the use of any means or instrumentality of interstate commerce, or of the mails or of any facility of any national securities exchange,

(a) To employ any device, scheme, or artifice to defraud,

(b) To make any untrue statement of a material fact or to omit to state a material fact necessary in order to make the statements made, in the light of the circumstances under which they were made, not misleading, or

(c) To engage in any act, practice, or course of business which operates or would operate as a fraud or deceit upon any person,

in connection with the purchase or sale of any security.

So, what do you think--paper or plastic? I'm referring to the question of prison-issue coffee-cups. Plastic can leach chemicals into the java, and paper tends to burn the hand (unless the coffee is lukewarm). Metal is probably not a good idea--they'll be rattling them against the bars all night long, something I wouldn't wish on even the meanest privately-contracted warden.

Friday, March 06, 2009

Is it Fun, Being a Billionaire? F*ck YOU!


Everyone needs to watch--and share--this clip from The Daily Show that Sir C (along with countless others in the 'Sphere) linked to last night. Jon Stewart absolutely eviscerates the oblivious, villainous, egomaniacal morons so-called financial experts at CNBC. And then feeds their sorry entrails to the metaphorical lions while making the viewer laugh and cry simultaneously.

I'm going to go out on a limb and pronounce this one of Stewart's best and most important pieces of social commentary to date. Yes, it is that spot-on. Kudos to Stewart's writers, too, for the Dow stats and dates that really sledgehammer the point home: that these cocksure men (and a few women) are, at best, incredibly stupid and irresponsible people. At worst, well, let's just say these characters are stone-cold evil, and they're craven enough that if this were another time and place, they'd be changing their haircolor, packing up their protein bars and bulletproof vests, and heading for the hills, hoping madly that someone among them had, at some point, learned how to forage and cook.

Meh, a wealth-reduced girl can dream. Go watch it!

Wednesday, March 04, 2009

Friday Wednesday Frank: My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama; Dweezil & Friends



Something to cure the mid-week blues (and a serious treat for fellow guitar-heads): Frank Zappa's classic, solo-inspiring My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama, brought to you by Steve Vai, Dweezil Zappa, Eric Sardinas, Tony MacAlpine, Dave Weiner, and Billy Sheehan (on bass).

Enjoy, and Happy Wednesday.

Saturday, February 28, 2009

David Bowie and The Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Long-haired Men



This was a find and then some: old BBC footage of a seventeen-year-old David Bowie and his friends declaring their solidarity as long-haired men in Britain who will not stand for any more persecution and ridicule.

We're one big gathering of long-haired males (and female) in my house, so we heartily and retroactively endorse the work of this David Bowie person and hope that we'll be hearing more from the bright young man in the years to follow 1964.

(The clip has a Python-esque absurdist feel to it, no?)

Monday, February 23, 2009

I Want Angelina's Earrings: Assorted Oscar Fashion Thoughts

litbrit's favorite dress: Beyoncé Knowles' breathtakingly well-fitted black-and-gold brocade mermaid gown by House of Deron. Notice Beyoncé's gorgeous posture, simple hairdo, and minimal accessories (small earrings, actually). Really, what could one add to this? She's perfection.


While looking at last night's fashion parade (People's slide show is here--go look; we'll wait), I came to the conclusion that if I were in charge of such things, I'd institute an outright ban on the wearing of diaphanous, pale-to-colorless evening gowns by waifish, pale-to-colorless women (myself included) (*cough* Anne Hathaway, Sarah Jessica Parker, Nicole Kidman *cough*). Michelle Obama's queenly white Inaugural gown looked so fabulous precisely because she is not a waifish, pale-to-colorless woman. That said, I did love Tina Fey's slinky silver-beaded Zack Posen dress and Jennifer Aniston's strapless, white-and-silver Art Deco beaded Valentino gown.

Really, though, give me color, please! And as long you're shopping for me, you can start with this lovely shade of green, as worn last night by the incomparable actor (and SextoMom) Angelina Jolie:

These sweet little emerald baubles would set off my eyes quite nicely, and you know,
I just happen to have the perfect dress...

Saturday, February 21, 2009

Friday Saturday Frank: Father O'Blivion; Stockholm, 1973



Here you go, then: one smoking solo after another, posted for your listening pleasure this chilly Saturday morning. Frank Zappa performs with his infamous 1973 lineup (and jacket), including Ruth Underwood, Jean-Luc Ponty, Tom Fowler, Ralph Humphrey, Ian Underwood, George Duke, and Bruce Fowler. Enjoy.

Bon Weekend, everyone.

Friday, February 13, 2009

Friday Frank: The Returning! Budapest; (Televised); 1991



While browsing through YouTube, looking for an interesting Frank Zappa clip to post after too many weeks of abstinence, I stumbled upon this thrilling piece, which I'd never seen before and which apparently aired on Hungarian television back in 1991. In it, a graying and clearly-unwell Zappa plays some heartbreakingly beautiful guitar--I don't recognize the composition, and I'm afraid I don't speak or read Hungarian, either; can any readers identify this piece for me? Anyway, interspersed with the music is footage of Zappa speaking with an unidentified (but English-speaking) man in what I will describe as a fascinating, classic Zappa interview brimming with timeless political observations. Below, I've transcribed the money quotes for you (emphasis mine):

FZ: "I am in the process of doing what we call a feasibility study to see if it's possible for me to run for President in the United States against George Bush*."

Interviewer: That's quite a comment--do you feel there's a chance?

FZ: "Umm, yes. Not a good one--because, you know, he has more balloons than I do. [laughs] But I certainly don't agree with his policies, and I think that the Democrats have nothing to offer. And my idea is, if I do decide to run, to run as an anti-partisan candidate. Because I believe both the political parties in the United States have let the public down, and they generate more rhetoric than results. And it's not often that a voter in the United States gets a clear-cut choice between two candidates, because they tend to resemble each other physically, rhetorically, aesthetically--every other way; it's a choice between Tweedle Dum and Tweedle Dee. And, er, if the feasibility study works out right, I would at least be able to say, If you get tired of those other two guys, you know, take a look at me."

Interviewer: Makes a lot of sense...the next time I interview you, I may be calling you Mr. President instead of Mr. Zappa?

FZ: [Shrugs and smiles] "Maybe..."


Frank Zappa died of prostate cancer in December, 1993. Given that his interest in--and involvement with--American politics was intensifying with every passing year, and knowing that he was both a fierce defender of the First Amendment and an active supporter of voting and participatory democracy, I don't doubt that, had he beaten the cancer, Zappa would have run for office at some point. And I've often wondered what he'd have to say about the nation electing the son of his then-nemesis, George Bush Sr.

Just as I've often wondered what he'd have to say about the condition of the country, the economy, and the Bill of Rights after the eight years during which Bush II lead us perilously close to becoming the "fascist theocracy" Zappa envisioned--and warned us about--during the Reagan years.

And, of course, I continue to muse about what Zappa would have to say about our new president, the unusually-named black son of a single mother. Our new president--he of the non-partisan approach to politics; he, an autodidact from a truly non-elite background. Our new president, who characterizes the philosophies of self-reliance and fiscal responsibility as being complementary to a belief in the power of union and the citizen's duty to community and nation. As did the great conservative president Abraham Lincoln; as did Zappa himself.

Our new president, a man who could hardly be described as resembling--physically, rhetorically, or aesthetically--any U.S. president elected heretofore.

* Zappa is referring to then-president George H. W. Bush, father of George W. Bush.

Sunday, February 08, 2009

On Breakfast Champions and Paper Tigers



So this week, cereal giant Kellogg's pulled its endorsement of the greatest, most decorated Olympic swimmer of all time--the amazing fourteen-gold-medals-winning Michael Phelps--because he smoked pot.

Consider this: the cult film Reefer Madness was made--by a church group!--some seventy-three years ago. And so howlingly obvious was the silliness of the film's premise, even then, an exploitation film company saw fit to buy it and sensationalize it further so as to reap maximum profits during a slow economy (hmmm...). Later in the century, the film gained cult status as a comedy of sorts, as it was jam-packed with set bloopers and ridiculous, over-the-top statements ("Women cry for it; Men die for it!"). In 1973, budding rightwing strategerist and future David Gregory dance partner Karl Rove suggested screening Reefer Madness at Young Republicans' fundraisers as a way to attract the kewl kollege kids to what one can only imagine were, er, thrilling, must-attend social events. True story.

It's the year 2009, everyone. I cannot believe we're still debating this. Adults, personal time, private bodies, waste of money and law enforcement personnel, fiscal priorities, and so on and so forth. Then there is the not-insignificant issue of prison overcrowding due to mandatory minimums. Oh, and the fact that, unlike the foamy beers that bring you the Superbowl, the sparkly vodka martinis leaping from the pages of your favorite magazines, and all manner of rainbow-colored prescription pills--Tell your doctor!--the makers of which underwrite your daily televised serving of (bad) economic news, the Evil Weed has not, to date, caused a single overdose death.

Radley Balko of The Agitator wishes Michael Phelps would write this letter. So do I. An excerpt:

Here’s a crazy thought: If I can smoke a little dope and go on to win 14 Olympic gold medals, maybe pot smokers aren’t doomed to lives of couch surfing and video games, as our moronic government would have us believe. In fact, the list of successful pot smokers includes not just world class athletes like me, Howard, Williams, and others, it includes Nobel Prize winners, Pulitzer Prize winners, the last three U.S. presidents, several Supreme Court justices, and luminaries and success stories from all sectors of business and the arts, sciences, and humanities.

So go ahead. Ban me from the next Olympics. Yank my endorsement deals. Stick your collective noses in the air and get all indignant on me. While you’re at it, keep arresting cancer and AIDS patients who dare to smoke the stuff because it deadens their pain, or enables them to eat. Keep sending in goon squads to kick down doors and shoot little old ladies, maim innocent toddlers, handcuff elderly post-polio patients to their beds at gunpoint, and slaughter the family pet.

Tell you what. I’ll make you a deal. I’ll apologize for smoking pot when every politician who ever did drugs and then voted to uphold or strengthen the drug laws marches his ass off to the nearest federal prison to serve out the sentence he wants to impose on everyone else for committing the same crimes he committed. I’ll apologize when the sons, daughters, and nephews of powerful politicians who get caught possessing or dealing drugs in the frat house or prep school get the same treatment as the no-name, probably black kid caught on the corner or the front stoop doing the same thing.


Hear, hear.

If you're so inclined, please write a note to Kellogg's chief marketing officer, Mark Baynes, and let him know--politely, of course--how you feel about his company siding with the nonsensical so-called "War on Drugs" and against the brilliant, young, multiple, multiple (etc.) gold-medal-winning Phelps.

mark.baynes@kellogg.com

Kellogg Company
1 Kellogg Sq
Battle Creek, MI 49016-3599

(SNL clip via Sully; H/T Michael Hussey)

Sunday, February 01, 2009

"The Electronic Newspaper Isn't As Spiffy-looking as the Ads Imply..."

Well, readers, I'm finally back among the living after two weeks during which every family member--male, female, upright-walking, and four-legged and fur-covered alike--fell victim to the dreadful Oh-Nine variant of the 'flu. We've been going through decongestants and aspirins like water, and buying (and using up) coffee-table-sized multi-packs of Kleenex boxes from Costco. Meanwhile, grubby jeans and school uniforms would appear to have been breeding in the dark corners of the laundry room--not exactly the cheerful get-well present I was hoping for, but hey, I'm just grateful to be breathing freely and speaking in my normal baritone, as opposed to the unintelligible frog-croaking I was doing for a while there. Poor Marley, he seemed so insulted and pissed-off at the notion of microbes invading his sovereign feline self: he'd burst into a fit of little kitty-sneezes, then shoot me this withering look, as if I had something to do with it (I didn't; it came home with one of the Offspring and spread outward and downward from there. But try telling that to a cat.)

Anyway, let's kick off my return to civilization with this little blast from the past--1981, to be specific; it comes via Wayne Garcia, my new boss at Creative Loafing, where I'll be posting my work from time to time, starting this week. (For non-Floridians, CL is an alternative weekly newspaper somewhat akin to the Village Voice. Only it's not, obviously, of that particular Village, not unless you consider the Tampa area to be an extension of New York, which is probably kind of stretching things a bit. We did come close to being, ah, cursed blessed with our very own Trump Tower at one point, though. And you can get some pretty superb pizza here, if you know the right Italians, ahem.)

First, the electronic newspaper; then, what next--a telephone with pictures? Anything seemed possible...

Monday, January 19, 2009

Dr. King's Dream is Rising

photo via Doug Mills, NYT

Come on up for the rising,
Come on up, lay your hands in mine;
Come on up for the rising,
Come on up for the rising tonight!

If you're like me, your eyes are still a bit swollen this morning after weeping with joy during the Obama Inaugural event at the Lincoln Memorial. I also watched the replay on HBO last night, exchanging emails with Lisa Simeone, who'd live-reported the event on NPR radio earlier and was now watching it at home, this time setting aside her no-tears-on-the-air professionalism and reveling in the pleasure of it, just like the rest of us. As one stunning performance followed another, I noted that this was so intense an emotion for me, I could barely find words to describe it. "My heart is exploding and bits of stardust are all over the floor," I wrote.

In one sense, I am deeply envious of my friend T, whose children go to school with mine and whose sister is a brilliant actor and very special liberal activist; accordingly, he and his lucky, lucky family are part of the exciting festivities going on in Washington right now; more saliently, they're in the middle of history as it unfolds. (Say hello to Michelle for me, T!)

In another sense, though, as I bask in our relatively tropical Florida warmth (eek, sorry, snowbound readers), I am not at all jealous of those oceans of excited, bundled-up people who were surely chilled to the bone, from the crowds who stood on the ground to the celebrities who sang onstage. I could tell that the performers, in particular, were really feeling the cold, even with layers of gorgeous scarves and coats swaddling them: if you looked at their lips, you could see that some of them were struggling mightily to keep their mouths flexible in that freezing air so they could form the words. (When I was in high school, my singing group traveled to Europe and performed outdoors in Germany; all I can say is, singing in the falling snow is beyond challenging, not to mention terrible for one's vocal cords.)

Poor Bruce Springsteen displayed, at times, the body language of someone who was looking forward to curling up in front of a warm fire after the concert. And speaking of fire, wasn't that a soul-stirring, body-invigorating rendition of The Rising? Springsteen originally wrote this to honor all the firefighters, many of whom died, for their indescribable bravery at the World Trade Center disaster on that dark and heartbreaking day. With an animated, red-robed gospel choir joining in, its 2009 incarnation was, quite literally, a moving and joyful call to service.

And I was touched and amused by the innocent excitement of Malia Obama, who repeatedly pulled out her little digital camera and snapped photos of all those famous people singing and dancing--and remembering history--just a few feet away. Um, Malia, you're the First Firstborn, darling; those celebrities are all going to want photos of you.

Despite my physical distance from it, I felt tightly bound to the history, pride, and ever-renewed American spirit underpinning the stage at the Lincoln Memorial, and I was electrified and inspired by the unprecedented length and breadth and depth of the creative talent assembled thereupon.

So, what was your favorite part?

Sunday, January 18, 2009

Would That Things Were Only This Bad...



Reality is much worse than the future that SNL's writers imagined--save the Great Lakes problem--but Will Farrell's delicious, razor-sharp Dubya impersonation made me laugh out loud just the same. As Sully says, "It could stand for his farewell address as well."

School's...in...for...winter--that ecstatic tapping sound you hear is me doing a little Irish jig around my desk--and I'm back in the saddle again, to juxtapose a little Alice Cooper and Aerosmith on a cold Sunday morning (hey, why not?) Accordingly, there will be posting a-plenty going forward. Because if the tall, calm, grownup Senator President (yeah!) with the beautiful speeches and magnificent mind can't inspire this writer, I might as well hang up the Powerbook and go for an ostrich ride.

Happy Inauguration Weekend, everyone!

(H/T oddjob)

Friday, January 09, 2009

A Fundamental Clash--Not of Religions or Civilizations, but of Eras



This is Syrian-born American psychiatrist Dr. Wafa Sultan, speaking on Al-Jazeera television (English subtitles by Memritv) with Ibrahim Al-Khouli and host Faisal al-Qassem. Dr. Sultan discusses the ongoing battle between the barbarism inherent in the medieval mentality of fundamentalism and the hope and progress--both in scientific and social terms--that modern, tolerant thinking has offered, and continues to offer, humankind.

My thoughts about Dr. Sultan's words are best summed up by fellow Cogblogger Stephen, whose opinions on matters theological and historical I've long respected and to whom I sent this video earlier today. He notes:

"I could say, and have said, many of the same things about Christians that she says about Muslims. In fact, several centuries ago it was the Muslim world that practiced tolerance of other religions and saw great scientific gains; current math, physics, astronomy and medicine are all built upon what they started. The West's philosophical foundation upon Aristotelianism wouldn't have been possible without Muslims holding onto Aristotle's teachings while the Christian idiots were busily destroying anything they felt offended their Christian sensibilities. I guess the main takeaway for me is further confirmation of how similar fundamentalists from all systems of thought are to each other."

Yes.

(H/T Roberto, via Yariv)

Thursday, January 08, 2009

Weekend at Bernie's


Work-weeks for the self-employed routinely stretch into seventy and even eighty-hour marathons, as Robert's continue to do these days; accordingly, he tries to ingest a decent amount of protein and vegetables, even at lunchtime, and had just bitten into his grilled chicken breast sandwich with pesto--he's the chef in these parts, not I--when news of Bernie Madoff's latest bit of sociopathic effrontery hit the airwaves.

Robert didn't choke, but I nearly did, and I wasn't even eating. And there they were, the braced-and-bespectacled CNBC crew, nattering away and wondering out loud how someone could possibly be so arrogant and unaware.

"Why are these Wall Street groupies even trying to make sense of this criminal?" I asked, resisting the strong urge to teevee-scream Take the beam out of your own motherfucking eyes first, O Masters of The Universe!

No More Teevee-screaming is my New Year's resolution. Swear.

Instead, I grumbled. "Arrogant? Aware? He's a bloody sociopath--he has no conscience."

"Maybe they feel they have to say something in order to sound smart?" Dear Husband offered.

Hey, it's bad enough that after being caught defrauding all those people, companies, and charities to the tune of many billions, Madoff packed up a million dollars or so worth of watches and jewelry and smuggled them off to the kids, claiming the items have "sentimental value". (It should be easy enough for prosecutors to debunk that one: sociopaths don't have sentiments, you see.) Now we learn he was planning to spirit away some $173 million dollars, too, confirmed by a load of signed checks investigators found during a search of his desk. And this despite being ordered to not dispose of any assets whatsoever, since said assets will, eventually, be used to partially (!) repay at least some investors.

Suffice it to say, I don't think slapping a bit of ankle jewelry on Madoff and sending him upstairs to his Manhattan penthouse is anything close to the sort of lifestyle change he really deserves to undergo right about now.

So, I propose this: until his trial date, let Madoff live off the street--for real. Strip the man down to his Sulka briefs, give him some beaten-up sneakers and an old sweatsuit from the Salvation Army--hell, the pants don't even have to match the hoodie--and point him toward the nearest Dumpster full of cardboard boxes. We got yer penthouse right here, Mister!

Meanwhile...

It's Weekend at Bernie's! All weekend, every weekend. And weekdays too--why not? Open the ultra-luxurious Madoff house to families who've been thrown out onto the streets when their banks foreclosed on their properties. One family per long weekend, I say, and give them access to the Madoff SubZero(s) and the Madoff wine cellar. Let the kids get warm--finally!--in his 1,000-thread-count Pratesi sheets and cashmere blankets and remind the parents to grab a vicuña coat or two when they head out the door and hand the keys to the next homeless family.

As for Madoff being out and about, ah, flight risk, schmight risk. I don't think he'll get too far.

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

FridayTuesday Frank: Sinister Footwear (Second Movement); NYC, 1981



Inaugural planners take note: setting aside Sinister Footwear's overall musical wonderfulness (and it's not often you'll hear me say that), its title alone makes this Zappa piece the perfect music with which to bid farewell to the Inartful Dodger of Crawford Dallas.

Happy New Year, all!