Friday Frank: My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama and Willie The Pimp; Texas; 1984

After having spent years searching for live video of Maestro playing My Guitar Wants to Kill Your Mama (a sentimental favorite in our house), I do believe I've got it.

And for afters, another Zappa great: Willie the Pimp.

You're welcome.

[Frank wouldn't approve of me appending this post with the digital version of a warning label. So I won't.]

Deborah's Kiss off, Chick-fil-A Lighter, Tastier, and Same-Sex-Marriage-Friendly Milkshake

I admit it: there was a time, in the not-too-distant past, when I was (operative word: was) an enthusiastic fan of Chick-fil-A's delicious, creamy milkshakes.

No more. Even though the store is three minutes from my place in St. Pete. Even though, on a miserably hot spring or summer Florida afternoon, their milkshakes are things of beauty.

Mainly, it's the fault of the company's homobigoted CEO, Dan Cathy, who pushed me away with statements like this:

"We are very much supportive of the family — the biblical definition of the family unit."

(Presumably, then, he supports polygamy, selling daughters into slavery, and beating sons to death when they disappoint him. Oh, and no shrimp on their family dinner table. No cotton/poly blend tablecloth, either.)

Moreover, Chick-Fil-A is a generous financial backer of anti-equality and hate groups, having given them some $2 million in 2009 alone.

What a guy.

But to make all this even worse (as if that were possible), those milkshakes are horrifyingly calorie-dense, fat-laden, and sugar-saturated.

So I made my own milkshakes. I'm sure a lot of you are rolling your eyes--Really? Did she just figure out how to make shakes? Where did she come by that reputation for brains?--but I'm going to give you my "recipe", such as it is, just the same. Along with a breakdown of the nutrition data for each version. It should go without saying that my shake is much less expensive, too. Plus it will give you energy, as opposed to knocking you on your back with its artery-clogging throw-weight, and you needn't put on actual non-pajama clothes and leave your house in order to enjoy it, either.

Deborah's Kiss-Off, Chick-fil-A Strawberry Milkshake

1 1/2 cups whole frozen strawberries, organic if possible (make your own, or buy them in bags in the freezer section)

1 cup 1% low-fat milk (or low-fat soy milk)

3-4 packets of Stevia granules (my new favorite calorie-free sweetener)

A strong, powerful blender that doesn't jam up or get all squirrelly on you when you throw ice into it.

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Put the frozen berries in the blender. Pour the milk over them. Sprinkle in the stevia. Hit the power button and pulse on-and-off, using a spoon to loosen the fruit mixture between pulses at first (if the surface of your milkshake isn't moving, you'll burn out the motor--trust me on this).

Once it's blended, crank it up a notch to get the shake looking really smooth. I like a very thick shake, one that's practically like semifreddo in consistency. You'll have the equivalent of one large or two small milkshakes. More or less.

(You can also make a gorgeous peach milkshake this way: substitute 1 1/2 cups frozen sliced peaches for the strawberries, and on top of the stevia, add a dash of cinnamon and a scant teaspoon of vanilla extract. If you really want to duplicate the Chick-fil-A experience, take a few extra slices of frozen peach, chop it into 1/4"-1/2" dice, and stir them into the shake when you've finished blending.)

Okay, the comparisons:

Deborah's Strawberry Milkshake
Calories: 185              
Fat:  2.5 g                                                
Carbohydrates:  31.5 g
Sugar:  25.5 g

Chick-Fil-A's Strawberry Milkshake
Calories: 750
Fat:  27 g
Carbohydrates:  115 g
Sugar: 104 g

HA! Take that, ye mean-spirited, hate-group-supporting, Old-Testament-misquoting promotors of obesity and diabetes.